Behind Closed Doors
by brunahilda171
Summary: James Potter has loved Lily Evans for years, and it kills him that she doesn’t return the feeling. Will he ever be able to get her to go out with him?
1. Summertime

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill. I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters you recognize.

**A/N: So... here's my third (and personal favorite) fanfic... Thanks again to Ainsley and Tal :D If you haven't read my other fics, check them out... And remember to read and review!

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**Lily's POV**

"I don't understand why you think James is so bad, Lily," Mara Meadowes, one of my best friends, said. She was a Gryffindor who was in the same year as me. "He's really nice, once you get to know him."

"Plus, he's gorgeous," her younger sister Dorcas giggled. She was a Gryffindor that was a year younger than us and another one of my good friends. We were all at Megan Carlton's house, who was a fellow seventh year Gryffindor. She was from a very old, rich pureblood family, so she had a huge house.

And her parents were good friends with James Potter's parents because they were from similar backgrounds and both his parents and Megan's parents were Aurors, who were trying to put a stop to Voldemort and his followers. Voldemort and his "Death Eaters" had recently started killing half-bloods and muggleborns, so I (as well as many of my friends) were becoming slightly nervous.

"Am I the only sane person here?" I complained.

"No Lils, you're the only insane person here," Holli Gilmore, the fourth girl in our dorm, argued. "Everyone else here is normal."

"Why?" I asked. "Because I'm not obsessed with boys?" Don't get me wrong, I loved all my friends, but there was one thing about all of them that I didn't understand—their obsession with the male species. They were always talking about one guy or another. I had no idea how they could possibly have _time_ for a guy; I spent most of my time on homework, and when I was done with that (which was normally late), I hung out with my friends.

Jenni Gimore, Holli's younger sister and Dorcas's classmate, looked at me. "Not only is he hot," she said, changing the subject back to James, "He's totally in love with you!"

"He is not 'totally in love with me,'" I told her. "He's just teasing me. And Spencer would kill you if you talked like that." Spencer McCormick was her boyfriend and a Ravenclaw in our year.

"Well he's not here, is he?" she asked me, grinning naughtily.

I gasped. "Jennifer Gilmore!" I admonished, slapping her arm lightly. "That's no way to treat your boyfriend! Even if he's not here!" I looked around the room. "All of you like _someone_. So why are you talking about James like you like him?" I asked.

Megan sighed. "When will you ever understand, Lily? There's a difference between thinking someone's good-looking and liking them. When you think they're good-looking you… well, think they're good-looking. It has nothing to do with their personality. When you _like_ someone, you just… you like them. You think they have a good personality, I guess. And you normally think they're hot."

I didn't really understand this, but I would never admit that to them. They would probably tell me I was stupid or something. But I was the smartest out of all of them; I got the best grades and always did all of my homework.

We talked for a while longer, then decided to go to bed (finally) at one in the morning. Jenni and Dorcas fell asleep, so it was just Holli, Mara, Megan, and me talking. I saw a head peek into the room and then quickly move out of sight.

"Rianna Meadowes, you get in here this instant!" Mara demanded. A reluctant little girl made her way into the room. Rianna was heading into her first year after this summer and she had constantly spied on us for at least as long as I could remember.

"Leave us alone," Mara ordered her younger sister. "You're too young for this kind of talk."

"I'm eleven!" she argued heatedly.

"Yes, thank you for sharing. I'm seventeen," Mara replied. "Eleven is still too young."

Rianna pouted and stomped out.

"Remind me why your mom let her come," Mara said exasperatedly to Megan.

"Because she and Warren are going into the same year and she wanted to be nice," Megan told her. This was at least the tenth time I heard that being explained.

"I really hope you guys weren't serious about Potter," I said.

They rolled their eyes and said at the same time, "We were."

"You two are so perfect for each other," Megan said. "And he really likes you. Even though you may not think so."

"Whatever you say, Meg," I said.

"I promise you, it's not a joke," Holli said. "And he _does_ really like you. He just has a different way of showing it than most guys."

"Well, we all know he's not like most guys," I replied.

"You're impossible, Lil," Mara said. "Let's go to bed. We're not getting anywhere with this." We all obliged, crawling under the covers of our beds (which her parents had moved into Meg's room for all of us). I fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

I awoke that morning to a familiar voice saying in a singsong voice, "Rise and shine, sleepyheads! It's almost noon and I've been sitting here for an hour and Sirius got so bored he left to—"

I sat up with a start, and Potter stopped singing his song. _James Potter? Here?_ I thought. _What the…_ It was then I realized I was wearing a slightly skimpy tanktop, so I pulled the blankets up under my chin, then pulled my knees up and rested my chin on them to anchor it.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" I asked.

"Do you want to go out with me, Evans?" He wanted to know, smiling at me.

I sat there, glowering at him and trying to convey to him what I had been trying to say for the pas four years. "No!"

"Okay, then, now that that's settled, I'll tell you why I'm here," he said, unruffled. "Two days ago Sirius and I practically burned the house down trying to make cookies—"

"Why were you making cookies?" Megan asked.

He shrugged. "I dunno. I suppose we were just really bored. So we made the cookies but left them in too long and then set fire to the kitchen," he said brightly as if he was talking to us about the weather. "So Mum and Dad don't trust us alone, and since they needed to come here, they dragged the two of us along."

"_Sirius_ is here?" Mara asked disgustedly. She had hooked up with him the year before—she had thought he actually loved her, but he was just using her. Like he used every other girl he ever went out with. Ever since then, Mara had despised Sirius. And I (nor anyone else) couldn't say her reason wasn't justifiable

James nodded. "Yep. Now is there anything to eat around here? I'm starving."

I climbed out of bed and pulled on my bathrobe quickly. And Megan led all of us down to the kitchen to get food.

* * *

After we finished eating, Megan looked at all of us. "How about we go swimming?" she suggested. "There's really not much else we could do with such a big group."

We all agreed and went upstairs to change. Once up there, I dug through my trunk and pulled out my swimsuits. "Which one should I wear?" I asked, taking out my three one-pieces. I intentionally excluded my bikini from the bunch. Mara had gotten it for me as a birthday present a few years ago, but I had never worn it, nor did I have any intention to.

Mara eyed me and asked, "What about the bikini I gave you?"

I looked at her innocently. "What bikini?" I wanted to know.

"We both know which bikini I mean." She rolled her eyes and started digging though my trunk, picking out the bright green triangle bikini and holding it up.

"This bikini."

"Ooh!" Holli squealed. "I remember that one! It would look so good on you!"

Dorcas nodded in agreement. "Just try it on for us, please!"

I sighed, but changed into it just to show them how horrible it would look and how unlike _me_ it was. "Can I take it off now?" I asked, once I showed all of them what I looked like. They were all staring open-mouthed at me.

"No," Megan replied. "You have to wear it!"

"You look really good," Jenni agreed.

Holli turned to Megan, grinning, and whispered something in her ear. She stared directly at me the whole time. Megan nodded and thy both giggled, then shook hands. I had a feeling they were betting on whether I would wear the bikini or not, but I tried not to let it bug me.

Mara looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to me and saying, "I'll pay you a Galleon if you wear it." I stared at her. _A Galleon? All for wearing a stupid swimsuit?_  
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No," I replied stubbornly.

"Oh, come on," Jenni begged, pouting at me. "Do it for us."

"It's like walking around in a public place in your underwear!" I argued.

"No, it's not," Holli informed me. "Because bikinis are meant to be seen by the general public. Underwear isn't. Just your boyfriend if you decide—"

"Holli!" I chastised.

"Sorry. Anyway, I'll pay you another three Sickles if you agree," she looked at Megan, and I supposed that was slightly less than their betting amount.

I sighed. I was running low on money. Not that that was an acceptable way to make it. To me it seemed right up there with prostitution.

"Just do it for us," Dorcas said, mimicking Jenni.

I just wanted them to stop hounding me. "Fine!" I exclaimed exasperatedly. "I'll wear the bikini! At no cost to any of you! Happy now?" I suppose that maybe part of me wanted to wear the bikini. But I would never admit it to them.

They all grinned, and Holli held out her hand to Megan.

"I'll pay you later," Megan said. "I promise." Holli eyed her skeptically, but shrugged and got out her own swimsuit.

* * *

About ten minutes later we were all walking down the steps to meet up with James and Sirius, who were both still fully clothed. It was then that it dawned on me—neither of them had their swim trunks, and they would probably do something foolish. Not that there was any way to do it without being foolish.

"Let's go. There's a lake that's about a seven minute walk from here. It's still on our property, though, so we'll have it all to ourselves," Megan said, leading us down the path. I had put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt over my swimsuit, and was folding my arms across my chest uncomfortably. Holli came up next to me.

"Something wrong, Lil?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I suppose so. And I also suppose that it is _all your fault_."

"Oh." She didn't seem to have much more to say after that. I guess she started to feel guilty, because she walked off to talk to Megan. Mara came up next, just as we were almost there.

"Is it really that bad, Lily?" Mara asked.

"I wouldn't know. I still haven't taken off my shirt and shorts," I replied. I sighed then. "Honestly, you are horrible people. As if it wasn't bad enough that you had to make me wear a bikini, you made me wear it when we were around two of the biggest perverts in the world."

"Oh, come on, they're not that bad," Mara argued. "At least James isn't. Sirius…" she rolled her eyes.

"Then why did you wear a bikini?" I wanted to know.

"I guess I'm just used to it. I guess I'm comfortable with myself, is all. And I know my feelings."

I eyed her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged evasively. "Oh, nothing." We looked ahead and saw a small but surprisingly clean lake. One side of it was clear of weeds and looked like a small beach, and what appeared to be a diving board was off one side. I had never seen a diving board off of a lake, so it appeared slightly out-of-place.

Megan turned around. "Well, we're here," she told us unnecessarily, dropping her towel on the beach. We followed suit. I reluctantly pulled off my t-shirt and shorts. When I looked over at Potter and Sirius, they were staring at me quite openly.

"Nice swimsuit, Evans," James said, grinning.

I glared back at him. "Shut up, Potter."

As if the events of the morning weren't strange enough, Potter and Sirius took off their shirts. I averted my eyes quickly and joined Mara in the water.

"Mara," I whispered urgently. "They're taking off their clothes!"

Mara shivered disgustedly and shook her head, staying silent. Once the two of them were in their boxers, they ran over to the diving board.

"Cannonball!" Sirius yelled, jumping off and doing a cannonball. It made a huge splash and drenched us all. As James went on the diving board, we all ran out of the water.

"I'm going to tan for a while," Megan said, laying on her towel. This was almost laughable; Megan was pale as a ghost. She had never tanned in her life. I suppose that was more because she burned rather than tanned.

We all did the same thing, just sitting there until Sirius came up to us and said, "Hey, ladies."

"What, Sirius?" Mara snapped, turning onto her back. We did the same and looked up at him.

"You all don't seem especially interested in swimming anymore," Sirius replied. "So I was just—"

'We're only disinterested because we got splashed," Mara told him. "And we'd rather not get splashed again."

"As I was saying, I just thought that maybe skinny dipping might interest you a little more than laying on your towels," he said.

"You're joking," Mara said.

"Nope. How about it?" he asked, starting to pull down his boxers.

We all promptly stood up and ran away, dragging our towels behind.

When we got back to the house, quite out of breath, Megan said, "Well. That was certainly interesting."

Mara shuddered and exclaimed, "That was the most scarring thing that has ever happened to me in my life!"

About an hour later, James and Sirius came back, both fully clothed (thank God) and sopping wet. They left with his parents about fifteen minutes later, so we were spared having to really have a conversation.

"I'm so glad they're finally gone!" I said when they left. "I don't think I could handle any more sickening things today. Or any more surprises."

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**A/N: Well, I hoped you liked it! I, personally, am partial to the second chapter. Here's a quote:**

**_Who is Lily, you may ask? Lily is only the most incredible girl in the world, with her—this is really stupid. I think I should try writing something meaningful. I can save the unmeaningful stuff for later. Like for when I'm talking to Sirius._**

No! That's what I just said I wasn't going to do! Is unmeaningful even a word?

Please review!  



	2. Diary Entries

**A/N: Here's the second chapter… please excuse the randomness. I was very hyper when I wrote a lot of it. It's kind of supposed to be random. And thanks again to Ainsley!

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**James's POV**

**August 24, 1976**

Hello. I have no idea why the hell I'm writing in this diary right now. I think diaries are dumb. Wait. "Diary" sounds really girly. I'm going to call it a journal. Even though it is a diary. But anyway, something made me dig this out of my desk drawers…

Oh! Now I remember what it was! I was going to use this as a place to talk about Lily. All of my friends, even Sirius, are sick of hearing about her. And sick of me saying that I'll eventually get her to go out with me. Who is Lily, you may ask? Lily is only the most incredible girl in the world, with her—this is really stupid. I think I should try writing something meaningful. I can save the unmeaningful stuff for later. Like for when I'm talking to Sirius.

No! That's what I just said I wasn't going to do! Is unmeaningful even a word?

This is turning out to be a huge failure. Let me tell you about my day. It was very interesting, I suppose. Don't expect me to tell you about every day. Only ones that involve Lily.

Today we went over to Megan's house. I thought Lily might be there, so I asked to come. Lily was there, and when she asked me what I was doing there, which was after she refused to go out with me, I said we had practically burned the house down trying to bake cookies. Yeah, right. I've never baked cookies in my life! If I ever tried, maybe that would happen. But anyway... God, she is so beautiful! She has the most incredible green eyes and—okay, I'll stop now. Because even if it is a place to obsess about Lily, I should probably finish my story first. We ended up going swimming. And Lily was wearing a green bikini. Which made her even more pretty. And then Sirius chased them off by trying to get all of them to go skinny dipping with us.

Wow. I just read over what I wrote, and I've decided that I'd rather talk to my friends (even if they don't want to hear it) than sound incredibly stupid in this diary.  


_James Potter_

I shut the diary, and Sirius looked quizzically at me. "What the hell were you doing, mate?" Sirius asked.

"Writing in my di—journal, what did it look like?"

"Why were you writing in a diary?"

"It's a journal. And I was writing it in because I felt like it," I replied.

"I want to see what you wrote," Sirius said.

"No. The whole point of a journal is to write stuff down so no one else can see it," I told him.

"But I'm your best friend!" he argued. "Don't best friends share everything with each other?"

"No."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because you'd make fun of me."

"Too bad," he said, snatching the diary from in front of me before I could stop him. He skimmed at it and looked at me as if he was concerned about my mental health.

"Prongs mate," he said, "This is the biggest piece of bullshit I have ever read."

"Sirius!" I exclaimed. "That's horrible! I thought it was quite profound."

Sirius snorted. "No, you didn't," he said replied. "It says right here you think it was stupid." He pointed at a part in the journal.

"_I'm_ the only who is allowed to insult my writing, Padfoot," I informed him. "You have to say that it is incredibly wonderful. Even if it is terrible."

"Whatever," Sirius said. "I'm going to take this diary—oh, my mistake, journal—away from you and use it myself. I think I could make much better use of it."

"It's mine!"

"Well, it's obvious that you're not making good use of it."

"But it's still mine!"

"Come on, Jamsie! Let me have it!" Sirius begged.

"Don't call me Jamsie! And what are you going to do with it that's so great?" I asked.

"I'm going to write wonderfully insightful things," Sirius said.

I was about to reply, but I heard a snort from the doorway. "Sorry, Sirius, but I don't think that's possible."

We both turned around to see our other friend, Remus Lupin. "Hey Remus," Sirius said. "I had no idea you were coming. Look at—"

I snatched the journal out of Sirius's hand. "Shut up, Sirius!"

"Look at what?" Remus wanted to know.

"Nothing!" I yelled. "Absolutely nothing! Isn't that right Sirius?"

"James started a diary," he said, taking it away from me again. "Here, read it."

"I don't appreciate my JOURNAL becoming public property," I said. "I think you give it back."

But it was too late. Remus was already reading it and laughing.

"Wow. That was interesting," Remus said, trying to stop laughing.

I grunted. "I'm going to bed now. Good night," I said, turning away from them and closing my eyes. I had no intention of sleeping, but I hoped it would get them to leave me alone.

"James, it's only eight thirty," Remus pointed out."

"I don't care. I'm tired."

"Whatever you say, mate," Sirius said.

Apparently I was more tired than I thought; I fell asleep less than an hour later.

And what do you know? When I woke up, Sirius was writing in the journal. Luckily, he went out of the room before he realized I was awake, so I snatched it up when as soon as he left.

I read what Sirius had written and snorted. _And he thought what I had written was stupid,_ I thought.

**August 25, 1976**

I've decided that James is completely mad. He doesn't know what to write about in a diary. And he's totally random.

I took this book from James so I can blackmail him. And even if he does pay me, I think I'll give it to Lily anyway. But then why am I writing in it? Lily will certainly show it to Mara, who is, by the way, even more beautiful than Lily (who I have to admit, is really attractive, especially in a bikini. James is right). For some reason, I ended up writing in it. Am I crazy? And although James thinks "diary" is a girly word, I think it's better than journal. "Journal" sounds really ugly.

Since James seems totally incapable of telling about his day without becoming sidetracked by Lily, I am going to show that I can stay very focused and write about what happened yesterday.

You know what I just realized? "Llama" is a weird word. Why does it have two l's? Maybe llamas are trying to take over the world! I should definitely watch out. What if I'm walking through the countryside, minding my own business, and all of a sudden, llamas come and try to eat me?

I guess I should just run away as fast as I can. Yes, that's a good idea.

Wait—I'm supposed to be staying on topic! So back to what happened today.

We went over to Megan's house. And Mara was wearing a bikini too. She is the most magnificent thing I have ever laid eyes on, I swear to God. She has the brown hair and blue eyes. And she's pretty tall. And good at Quidditch, which is a plus, because we're on the team together.

That doesn't make her sound very pretty, huh? Oh, well. Just try to believe me.

Back to our day! We went over to Megan's house. James apparently told them we baked cookies and almost burned the house down, so his parents insisted that we come along. I wonder where the hell he got that from… we wanted to go. I suppose he's just too big of a coward to admit that.

I tried to get the girls to go skinny dipping with me. Too bad they all ran away… I actually thought I had a chance.

Now I definitely shouldn't blackmail James with this.  


_Sirius Black_

I snorted once I finished reading it. Just as I shut it, Sirius came into the room. "Why are you reading my diary?" he demanded.

"It's not your diary!" I exclaimed. "It's my diary. Journal. Why did you take my journal?"

"Because you weren't using it right!" he replied.

"Shut up, you two! I'm trying to sleep!" Remus moaned from under his covers.

We resumed our arguments in a whisper, and Remus sighed, rolling over and putting the pillow over his head.

* * *

The next day, the three of us went to Diagon Alley and got our school supplies. I was Head Boy this year, and I suspected that Lily was Head Girl. It wasn't that big of a deal to me, though; it seemed like it would be a huge responsibility, but a lot of fun as well.

_Think about it—you get a whole dorm to yourself with Lily Evans!_ I thought. I grinned, which caused Sirius and Remus to look at me really strangely.

"Sorry," I said. They looked at each other and said nothing.

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The summer seemed to end too fast. As much as I loved Hogwarts, I loved being at home too. And this was the last year I was going to Hogwarts.

**August 31, 1976**

Wow. It's my last year at Hogwarts. And I'm Head Boy! I suspect Lily's Head Girl. So I'll get to see her all the time. And we'll share a dorm. We'll probably have different bedrooms, but one can always hope…  


_James Potter_

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**A/N: Well, I hope you liked it… I certainly enjoyed writing this chapter! The next one should be coming soon!  
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